Speaking — Burden or Blessing

Perhaps the tightening in my throat isn’t from not speaking my truth, or some kind of energetic, interdimensional interference, but anxiety around having to speak at all.

Almost everything I say now seems somewhat forced or holds some untruth to my deeper knowing. Let alone the now almost tedious burden speaking aloud has become after being telepathically connected for so long. Being so used to someone hearing your every thought it becomes slightly frustrating when no one can.

When I do have to speak I’m simultaneously observing the conversation from an alternate perspective. I hear my voice played back and instantly feel that it wasn’t really mine — to harsh; twanged to fit the mood of the situation. To fast; said just to keep things rolling or to make the person feel good. Not what you really wanted to say, if you allowed yourself to truly feel in to it.

I see what aspect of my personality it came from and why it felt the need to chime in. What part it is playing in the overriding persona of ‘me’ being presented in the moment. Internally rolling my eyes at myself for still having those parts come through when I’ve worked through their aspects and done away with the need for them.

So why do they continue to surface? It comes back to social niceties at this point. Surface material for conversations sake. Succumbing to the desire of being relatable, sociable. Or perhaps not the desire to be, but the knowing that it is this camaraderie that eventually, at the right time in the right place, blossoms in to moments of deeply needed conversations for the soul. And when those moments arise all aspects of the persona fall away, necessities and niceties are forgotten, and true Spirit speaks.

It is then I am at one with the observer. At one with and okay with speaking. Speaking not from any desire or favourable outcome but speaking only what is needed to be heard.

Then speaking becomes a blessing once more, and I’m grateful for the works of my tongue and the Truth of my essence. Grateful for the attentive ears, now pricked up to hear words of wisdom not previously recognised. Grateful for the looks of wonder and gratefulness in return. Grateful for the ability to still be social, still be relatable, just enough to continue my work in the places most needed.